Beyond Avoidance: How Facing Discomfort Unlocks True Healing

When I received confirmation of my resignation from a high demand religion, my body let out a full-body, somatic sigh of relief. It wasn’t just a moment of release—it was a deep, visceral knowing: Now I can hurt enough to heal. 

That wisdom didn’t come from my mind. It was my body speaking a truth I would come to understand more deeply over the years—that our ability to navigate discomfort determines the depth of our healing, our joy, and our growth. As vital as allowing uncomfortable emotions is, I often found myself at a loss because I did not know how to allow discomfort in a healing way. 

Looking at our cultural context, we’re not taught how to be uncomfortable. The "happily-ever-after" narrative conditions us with a skewed and unrealistic perspective. This was reinforced for me by religious teachings that categorized feelings as good or bad (from God or from the devil). This led me to reject parts of myself and their less pleasant feelings. Similarly, consumerism tells us that any discomfort means something is broken—and that buying something will fix it. We are trained, in countless ways, to avoid pain and discomfort rather than move through it. My body told me that I was safe enough to hurt and heal, but at that point, I did not know how to feel because I was primarily taught to avoid discomfort. 

During my journey of opening to emotions and learning to feel, I had to see that the perspective I was raised with was not the only valid perspective. Changing my perspective towards emotional discomfort and pain has been a profound catalyst for healing and growth. 

This avoidance seems to be uniquely Western. Take fairy tales, for example—the original Grimm brothers’ stories were brutal, yet we softened them, stripped them of their darkness, and made them palatable. In contrast, myths and stories from many other cultures make room for discomfort, for trickster gods, for struggle, for the shadow side of humanity. They teach that suffering is not something to be erased but something to be integrated. In the words of Trevor Hall, "the dark within my dark is where I found my light." 

Looking back on my own journey, I’m struck by how deeply conditioned I was to resist discomfort—and how much of my transformation has come from unlearning that resistance. True freedom hasn’t come from perfectionism or obedience (I tried those until they broke my mental health). Liberation comes from opening up to the full spectrum of human experience with compassion rather than judgment. Not just the light, but the dark. Not just joy, but sorrow. Not just ease, but struggle. And seeing it all as divine. 

As a life coach I support people in learning specific skill sets for feeling and allowing discomfort to deepen their capacity for joy.