Daring to Dream

Intro

Creating intimacy requires creating a life beyond emotional struggles, past patterns and others expectations. This is a process of self-discovery and dreaming, which takes great courage. This path takes you on a journey through emotional wounds, fears and insecurities then into the freedom and the joy of self-knowledge. The good news is you are better equipped to navigate difficult emotions than you think. your dreams have the power to carry you through rough times. And you are not alone. I have walked this path many times and will walk beside you. What follows is a description of the courage I have found while creating a new life for myself. 

My Experience

A soul shattered, ready to crumble at the slightest move. Desperate to keep it together. Yet, terrified to be together. Unable to cope, I start searching for a sweet escape from the cries of my inner 3-year-old “it is not safe to be you.” He continues "If you were loveable then affection would be mirrored by your own mother. Remember this one thing always, self-suppression and conformity are the only way to find affection and belonging because who you are is fundamentally broken. It is not safe to be you” 

Yet somehow the endless ruins of a shattered life that lay before me cause me to question the wisdom of my inner child’s sense of belonging and affection. I find myself in a city demolished by some kind of apocalyptic force. I see my failed dreams scattered before me. Each pile of rubble a failed attempt to be and to build. Curiously observing just how dysfunctional my life has been, I start to notice a common thread. I can make out various parts of buildings in the piles, yet not a single pile of rubble is resting on a foundation. Self-suppress and conformity only creates a fragile life that is ungrounded without foundation. But this is all I have known? What other options do I have?  

Can I really trust this inner sense? Am I really trust wort…? My question is cut off by the urgencey of my inner child barging into the conversation. “Hell no! You are not trustworthy. I am still reeling from all the times you let down your guard to trust yourself during play. Don’t you remember how your fucking father would tear into you with such verbal abuse. You fucking idiot what makes you think you can be vulnerable enough to trust yourself?  Hell no, we are not letting down our guard. The only way to safety is to become what other people want you to be. The path forward is self-suppression and conformity. We must always hold true to this path” 

Allowing my inner child to have a voice, I open curiously to feeling the intensity of his fears and wounds. I gain a clear sense that this is not me. Rather it is just one part of me. I am bigger than my wounds. I have allowed his tantrums to convince me otherwise by drowning out other parts of me. With this awareness, I sense untapped resources rising from the depth of my soul wanting to provide a foundation and help me build my dreams. I sense a formless, observing-self calling to my inner child “Oh my Dearest son. I love you. Oh, little one come here. Let me hold you. You don’t have to be afraid anymore.”  Previously unaware that I had this ability to parent myself, I now witness my inner child let down his guard and receive love for the first time in this way. In this space of self-love, I feel dormant parts awakening and a foundation emerging. It is time to make my dreams a reality grounded in self-love, compassion and acceptance. 

Take home message

• You are our own healer.  
• Intimacy and love are created by improving the relationship with yourself. 
• You are more than your past.  
• Emotional resistance is a natural part of the process.