Choosing Love

Intro

In this post I describe that changing how I see myself creats profound personal transformation. I am more then I think I am and so are you!!  As a Men’s Coach, I guide people into self love by the following steps described in the narrative:

• Initial awareness and curiosity
• Willingness to release old identities
• Allow uncomfortable and painful experiences
• Connect with and remember a deep self-love 

My Journey

Surrendering to the cleansing power of a warm shower, I try to release the stress of the day. yet, the stress remains cemented in my body. Curiously inquiring about this resistance awakens an inner awareness that my stressed parts actually have needs. I gently ask them "what are your stories?" My inner parts take turns sharing the same relentless struggles to be something they are not. They are dedicated to ensuring my safety and belonging, which requires sacrificing their natural desire to be a playful, creative child. At great personal costs, these parts keep me safe by making certain my actions conform to others expectations. They tell me belonging is created by pleasing those around me and controlling situations to avoid mistakes. No wonder I feel so exhausted. I am constantly chasing the moving targets of others' expectations. 

Stepping out of the shower and drying off, I wonder to myself "who the hell am I if I am not who other people want me to be?"

Suddenly, my legs give out. I hit my chin on the sink and hthen the ground with a loud thud.

After some time, I regain consciousness and find myself lying naked in my own blood. Struggling to stand without the validation of others, I use my arms to pull myself up and sit on the counter next to the sink. Taking a deep breath, I turn to the mirror while asking "who the hell am I without these protective masks?"

Panic courses through my veins as I try to make sense of the reflection staring back at me. My skin is gone. My skull is visible in areas where the flesh is missing and my jaw is barely hanging on by one side. Looking down, I try to find my exposed heart as a few ribs are cracked and missing. I barely make it out though all the layers of cages that encase it. I see my heart cowering in the corner full of fear. 

A gentle, loving voice rises from my soul and pierces through the panic. " You are not your wounds. This is not you." I begin to wonder, but who the hell am I? If I am not my protectors and I am not my wounds? What on earth is left?

Not having any other reference point for a self,I  surrender curiously to the unknown. Letting go of the need for structure, I open up. I notic I have some how not ceased to exist. I start to see that I can let go of all concepts of who I think I am and still exist. There is something that beyond mental constructs and internal experiences. A self who notices all I experience. An unchanging, whole and complete noticing self who resides in love.

The gentle voice calls to me again saying "I am you and you are me. We are love. You get to now take on this perspective of love to make sense of yourself and life."

Looking back at the mirror I see the cages around my heart are gone. It is no longer shaking in fear and my chest closes up. I witness the perspective of love transmute the wounds to beauty as my skin returns and my legs regain their strength. Breathing into this new identity of love I feel confidenent, grounded and a curiosity as anything is possible to love. I open up to taking commited actions that affirm this new perspective and reality of self-love. 

Take Home Message

Being emotionally stuck is an invitation to get curious and become more self-aware. This can be disorienting and even emotionally painful as the dysfunction of current self-concepts becomes apparent. Taking the courage to remain curious and see past emotional wounds will reveal an untainted divine self that exists in deep love. As a coach, I guide men through this sacred  process to create both a life and relationships built on self love.